


take me home to your arms

by anothersadsong



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: F/M, also some ruminating on sexy times, love & stuff, not really knowing if they have the capability to be soft, soft sweaters, spoiler: they do
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-15
Updated: 2018-05-15
Packaged: 2019-05-07 08:32:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14667300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anothersadsong/pseuds/anothersadsong
Summary: full disclosure: i was inspired to write this 'cause i bought what has turned out to be the world's softest cardigan. it only makes sense, right?





	take me home to your arms

It wasn’t snooping.

That’s what Jyn told herself anyway, as she looked through the few personal items that took up residence in Cassian’s quarters.

… 

Their quarters. 

It simply made more sense to share than for Jyn to hoard a bunk in the barracks that she never actually used. She felt more comfortable with Cassian - although neither ever said as much, the quiet that sometimes surrounded them wasn’t awkward or strained in the slightest. They knew each other, even if they didn’t yet know everything about each other. And blessedly, when they were curled around each other in their bunk, somehow, it was enough to keep their shared nightmares away. 

He asked.

She stayed.

It still felt strange sometimes, not only sharing a roo, but also a life, but for the first time, Jyn felt like she had found exactly where she belonged, which was something that she thought she might never find, and even so, sometimes, she still found herself wistfully hoping that someday, they would find something better, something far, far away from all the chaos and catastrophe of war. 

(Maybe they wouldn’t know what to do with peace at first, but maybe they could learn, given enough time.)

Cassian didn’t own many personal items as such - no holos of family or friends, no trinkets or tchotchkes brought back from travels that had taken him all across the galaxy. 

There was his datapad, but that was almost always with him, and besides, it was encrypted, not that she was interested in looking through his personal files. She was curious, of course, but not curious enough to breach his privacy in such an egregious manner. Stealing the blaster that had become her own had been something else entirely. 

Really, she just wanted a chance to know the Cassian that inhabited this space - the Cassian that could take respite from being Captain Andor for even just the tiniest fraction of time. She wanted to know the Cassian that smiled at her when he thought she wasn’t looking. She wanted to know the Cassian that always gravitated toward his sweet roll first in the moments that they were able to take their meals together. She wanted to know that Cassian. 

So. The datapad, the other tools of his trade tha the stored with the utmost care in the footlocker at the end of their bunk, and not much else to speak of that Jyn could figure. The consummate soldier. Jyn felt some sadness at the thought, but then, all she’d really brought to the Rebellion, to their partnership, to their relationship and now to their quarters had been a lifetime’s worth of emotional baggage and abandonment issues, a couple of vibroblades secreted upon her person at all times, two truncheons, and not much else - at least, nothing that would take up what precious little space they had available to them. 

She hadn’t had much reason to utilize the closet just yet, since all she’d arrived with were the clothes on her back and the boots on her feet, and had only just requisitioned the bare minimum to survive thus far - underthings, definitely, some sleeping clothes (not that she used them very often), exercise apparel, and not much else. 

Jyn wasn’t very surprised to immediately find some of Cassian’s many jackets as soon as she opened the closet to her view. She huffed out a tiny, amused breath as the first thing to come into view was his ubiquitous parka that she had once believed had been surgically grafted to his body. Jyn ran a fingertip along one ridged sleeve and smiled - just a slight turning up of her lips at the edges - because if anything in the closet was uniquely Cassian, if anything could be considered an indulgence of sorts, it had to be these jackets. He’d be bereft if anything ever happened to this one in particular, she was certain. 

(He might insist that he didn’t believe in anything such as luck, but if this wasn’t his own personal version of a good luck charm, she didn’t know what could be. 

She hardly considered the fact that maybe she was as close to a good luck charm as he would ever admit to placing his belief and trust in.)

A flash of grey caught her eye as she thumbed through worn shirts that had seen better days, cleaned and pressed to the best of what passed as their laundry’s abilities. Pushing the shirts aside in order to get a better look, Jyn couldn’t help reaching out to feel along the smooth sleeves and the ridged body of the thin sweater.

It was, she marveled, the softest thing she had ever felt. And her breath caught in her throat to imagine Cassian wearing it - this hard-edged and pieced-together man who she knew didn’t even think that he retained the ability to be soft and probably didn’t even believe that he deserved the pleasure of it, and her heart ached for him. 

While she’d worn his other shirts before, when she was too lazy to get re-dressed in her own, this - this was different. This was something special, she thought, this was something sacred. And yet, she couldn’t quite ignore the desire to pull it from it’s hanger, nor to pull it on, to slide her arms into the sleeves and to bury her face against the cozy fabric, squeezing her eyes shut once she realized just what it reminded her of. 

Her stuffed toys. Safety. The idyllic happiness she’d felt before the day she’d lost her mother, her father, and her innocence in one fell swoop. 

And Cassian hadn’t spoken much about his own childhood, but still, she wondered, at least briefly, if it reminded him of similar memories, memories of Fest, his family, the time before, and her heart broke for him all the further. She could never bring back what he’d lost, and she hardly thought herself a worthy replacement, and she was still learning all the ins and outs of being vulnerable and laying herself bare, being intimate with another person, but she still hoped that with her, he found some semblance of peace, some little bit of happiness in a galaxy that hadn’t been either for most of his life. It was difficult at the best of times, it was frustrating, and sometimes it could be hurtful, but … worth it in the end. She hoped. If she could somehow make now even just a sliver better, it was worth it. If she could give Cassian some hope for the future, then the uncertainty was worth it. If she could make him happy, it was worth all the bad that had eventually brought them together. 

Jyn pressed her face into the fabric of the sweater, smiling gently as she realized that it retained a hint of Cassian’s scent. It comforted her, just as it did when they had opportunity to lie together in their bunk and she inevitably found herself curling around him protectively, nuzzling her nose against the base of his neck, her nostrils filling with the very same scent. It was just very Cassian, and would always be a part of him, no matter where he went, what he did, or what name he took in the name of the cause. 

She loved that smell. She loved his warmth. And it wasn’t always easy to let her walls down, the same as it was often difficult for him, but she loved that with each other, they were trying - they were learning and growing together.

(She wasn’t sure if she loved him just yet - but she was sure that she could, someday.)

He might not see it, but he did have the capability to be gentle, despite all the terrible things he’d seen and done. There was a softness in his eyes when he looked at her that Jyn knew he didn’t grant to just anyone. 

And while he wasn’t exactly the most showy person in the galaxy (which Jyn understood - why should they broadcast what they were when it wasn’t really anyone else’s business) Cassian still found a way to subtly touch and maintain contact with her whenever they were together. 

It was only obvious to those that knew them well enough to read the signs, and there were only a small handful of people that they considered a sort of … makeshift family, only a small handful of people that knew what the Captain and the Sergeant meant to each other. 

When they were alone, though - even in theri most heated moments - especially when one of the other or both had been away on assignments, Cassian still didn’t let the desire to be together override his need to ensure that Jyn wanted everything that he was offering her - his heart, his body, his touched and kisses and his complete devotion. 

He looked at her with such awe, each and every time he undressed her, whether he was able to take his time or not. He touched her so reverently, as though she was something special, like she was precious and fragile and he couldn’t quite believe that she was there with him, or if he even deserved her attentions and affections at all. 

Jyn could never help the way she shivered helplessly as Cassian kissed along her collarbone, lips brushing against skin as he murmured “is this alright”, nor the way that she always gasped that it was. 

HIs calloused hands were more than enough to drive her to distraction, and he knew it. And he used every opportunity available to explore and map every inch of her bare skin, freckles and scars alike underneath his deft fingertips, taking her apart as easily as he did his weapons, his admiration and want for her as he gripped one hip and teased along the contour of one breast, his voice gravely in his desire as he urged her - “tell me what you want, Jyn”.

Her answer was always - and would always be - Cassian, in whatever ways he could share himself. She wanted him fast and furiously, like the times that they’d been separated and neither had the patience to take their time. But she also wanted slow and steady, and the way that Cassian delighted in teasing her with his hands and his mouth and the way he could draw out her pleasure until she was shaking and sobbing and just on the verge of begging him for more. She wanted him above her, or behind her, or the side of her. She wanted the moments when he couldn’t help himself as he held her tight to his chest and raked his fingernails down her back, and she wanted the tenderness with which he pushed her hair out of her eyes and kissed her tears away when she was just so overwhelmed by it all that she couldn’t stop them from falling. 

She wanted the way he gasped her name every time he pressed inside of her, like it was the first time all over again, like with her he’d found his religion, like she was the only taste of peace that he had ever found, like in her - with her - he had found exactly where he’d always belonged, too, that in her, maybe he’d found a perfect fit. 

She wanted Cassian, in each and every way that she could have him. She couldn’t imagine a life without him. 

It wasn’t quite love, not yet, but it could be.

And then the door slid open and Cassian slipped into the sanctuary of their quarters, and Jyn watched as he stopped right in his tracks once he caught sight of her watching him guilty, with her nose still pressed into his sweater, the sleeves long enough to obscure her hands completely. 

Jyn watched, silent, as Cassian let his shoulders drop, sighing as some of the stresses of the day were lessened. She knew that they never fully disappeared, no matter how much she wanted help take them all away. 

His eyebrows raised and his lips ticked up into the hint of a smile, and just at the corners of his eyes, a few thin laugh lines slowly became more visible. “Huh”, he started, slowly moving toward her, “Looks good on you”. 

Jyn sighed softly then, glad to know that Cassian was just as tolerant of her wearing his sweater as he was when she borrowed his shirts to walk around their room in instead of any of her own clothing. 

But there wasn’t any particular heat in his eyes now, only that particular softness that always took her breath away to see - to know that it was reserved for her alone.

“You’re early”, she answered, a teasing accusation, and Cassian nodded his agreement, an amused breath the only noise he made at first, once he was close enough to reach out and gently tug the bottom of his sweater, urging Jyn to move just a little closer, still.

As though there was such a thing as close enough for the pair of them. As if there was such a thing as too close. 

“Meeting adjourned sooner than expected”, he muttered, leaning in all the closer still to press a soft kiss to her forehead in greeting before curling an arm loosely around her waist. “I thought I’d come back here and get a little rest before my sparring session later.”

“And now?”, Jyn asked, resting a little more fully against Cassian momentarily, yelping her surprise as she suddenly found herself lifted airborne and held close to his chest, his rumbling laughter vibrating deep into her bones. 

“Now”, he answered, only after taking the few steps toward their bunk, gentle as he deposited her upon it, sitting at the edge in order to remove his boots, “I thought we might catch a little nap together.”

There was a slight pause as they both shifted positions, finding something as comfortable as they could manage for the both of them, facing each other, Jyn’s thigh wedged between Cassian’s knees, his arm thrown loosely across her middle, his expression as tender and as fond and as content as she’d ever seen. And her heart only swelled with affection all the more as he leaned in closer, pressing his face against her chest and the softness of his sweater that was still covering her. 

“And then I thought that I would forego sparring altogether. Could always just remove you from your clothing and find a way to work up a sweat instead.”

Jyn groaned quietly, carding her fingers through Cassian’s hair, feeling him relax more fully against her. “That sounds fun”, she murmured, tugging gently at the strands of hair wrapped around her fingers just to feel him shiver. “Count me in.”

“Good”, he murmured tiredly, the arm around her tightening just so. “Get some rest, Jyn”. 

They would need it. War waited for no one. And while Jyn couldn’t be sure of what the future would bring, she was certain of one thing. 

Home could be found in a person. She had found hers, and he was holding her like he would never let her go. All she could hope was that Cassian knew that if he wanted, he could make a home in her, as well, if he hadn’t already.

‘Welcome home’, he’d said, once upon a time ago, and maybe he meant it for him as well as for her. Together, if they were lucky, maybe they could make a home together. 

Maybe.


End file.
